Do you have a relationship with somebody that you wish could be better? Are you stuck in a negative pattern with them, longing for something deeper, more real and connected? Perhaps you and a partner have different ideas or objectives that is causing a rift? Maybe its a parent or sibling that hurt you in the past and you just can’t seem to let go of it completely? Or maybe you have a friend or colleague with attitudes, habits or a disposition that just plain annoy you? Whatever you feel about them, you are probably right. On some level, practically everybody has differences, annoying traits and at times cause pain. No doubt you are right.
If this is a person that you truly love and want to have a better relationship with, there is one thing you can do that is going to make a huge difference: stop being right. You have a choice of being right or having a more fulfilling and loving relationship. Let me explain what I mean by being right:
Suppose you are looking at an apple tree. It is tall and beautiful and produces sweet red apples. It is an apple tree and will only ever be an apple tree. Now say you really wanted pineapples. Well, even if you took a stick and beat the trunk every day, it would never give you pineapples. Eventually, you are going to have to accept the apple tree for what it is and give up the idea that it will ever give you pineapples.
People are pretty much how they are. Nobody is perfect, rather they are unique and special and deserve to be loved for who they are. We all have a unique perspective that we gain through our experiences, tastes, emotions and personalities. That perspective adds meaning to the world around us and colors our realty. But it is ours and ours alone. And we have no right to force that perspective onto somebody else’s reality. When we do, we are saying that our ‘right’ should be somebody else’s as well. We make them wrong so that we get to be right. But we give a lot in the process – namely a close relationship with the person.
What we can do instead of being right, is to accept them for who they are, rather than who we wish they would be. Stop beating the stick against the tree. Forgive and let go of past hurts to start imagining a new type of future with them. Stop making them wrong and replace the need to be right with intimacy, love, closeness, openness, and a whole new world of possibilities. Really it has nothing to do with them, and only to do with your attitude about them. It is your choice – choose love and closeness or choose to be right.