Falling in Love
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Rumi
There is no feeling in the world quite like falling in love. The endorphins are dancing throughout your body, while you glide around enveloped in a cloak of dreaminess. You lose your appetite and ability to concentrate and all you want is to spend time with your beloved. When apart, they dominate your thoughts and you miss them terribly. It’s a wonderful and happy feeling. But alas when the free-fall is over, and you finally land, reality sets in. Maybe you discover your reality to be golden - you have fallen in love with your soul mate who treats you with the utmost respect and adoration. Or maybe, unfortunately you discover you have fallen for a liar or a jerk or someone completely incompatible with you. Possibly one with much similar to traits to the last one you got rid of.
The thing is, you deserve a relationship of the golden type, not one with a jerk. You deserve the fairy tale, (near) perfect relationship with a strong foundation built on mutual respect, compatibility, love, and honesty. You my friend, deserve it all. Life is way, way too short to settle for anything less. You deserve to have a great big, beautiful life. The very best kind there is. You were not put on this earth to suffer. You have the capacity to be happy and find and develop wonderful, fulfilling relationships. The only thing stopping you is what you believe yourself to be capable of.
The caveat to all this is that in order to share all of those wonderful characteristics with a partner, not only do they need to embody them, we need to possess the as well. The world is a mirror that reflects our true selves and nature back to us. What you put out, you get back in kind. There is no way life will serve us with honesty if we ourselves are untruthful. If we do not show respect to others, we will not be respected. If we are not happy and loving, we will not attract those qualities back to ourselves. We teach the world how to treat us by how we feel about ourselves and in turn how that feeling reflects in our behavior.
If you were sick with chronic stomach pain, you would ask yourself a lot of questions about your diet, your digestion or maybe your anxiety or stress levels. You would eliminate those factors you believed were causing you pain and make better decisions. If you couldn’t figure out why your stomach hurt, you would then consult with your doctor to find more obscure, less obvious reasons. You would do everything possible to find out why your stomach hurt and alleviate your pain. Hopefully you wouldn’t just ignore it or take medication to mask the pain, as the pain is a symptom of an underlying condition.
Bad relationships are not the disease, they are the symptom of a true disconnect with our selves. Here is something key to remember. We are not attracted to what we want, rather to what we are. When you look around you and you don’t like the qualities of the people you have attracted into your inner circle, beware, because they are a mirror of your own. You cannot change them, but you can sure as hell change yourself.
If you are struggling with your relationships, spend more time alone and work on the relationship that you have with yourself. Love yourself. Respect yourself. Speak kindly to yourself as you would to your very best friend. Break bad patterns, mend and fix what needs repair. If necessary, find professional help. Your life depends on it. Just like (I hope) you wouldn’t settle for living with chronic stomach pain, don’t settle for bad relationships. Develop that crucial relationship with yourself first until you truly enjoy spending time alone. Do things that make you happy, travel, buy yourself gifts, date yourself. Dream of the perfect relationship and treat yourself just as you imagine your partner would. Treat yourself like the amazing, unique, child of God that you are. Get to the point that you truly approve, respect and are totally enamored with yourself and your life will be totally transformed.
Relationships are the fabric of our universe. When we look back on our life on at the end, the amount of love we have received and given out will be the only currency for a life well lived. Our relationships are the truest expressions of who we are, and they should be magical. Especially those we chose and create (as opposed to family we are born to).
For the past two years, I have been blessed to be in an amazing relationship. The fairy tale kind. But he just didn’t fall into my lap unexpectedly. It took really hard work on myself for years after my divorce to become the kind of person necessary to attract him into my life. It then took spending three years alone to mend what needed mending, on a magical quest to fall in love with myself first. But let me say, it was worth every visit to the therapist, every audiobook and podcast I listened to, every seminar I attended, every meditation session, and all of the hard work and effort. Nothing compares to waking up every day to the man (or woman) of your dreams, living your very best life by his side, spending years falling in love with him and also the beautiful reality of our life together. Falling in Love